Hey!

Call of the Desert

2006-08-09T23:00:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I leave for Arizona. I'm ecstatic for numerous reasons, which will now be listed in order of appearance:

1. I get to see my family, which I've grown to realize, after talking to many people, is one of the most normal and loving families ever. I could say that I love them, but it has grown beyond that.

2. I get to see my high school and college friends, the people who I feel most comfortable around and who know how to get down.

3. I have consecutive days off, a phenomenon that has not occurred since the beginning of April. Yea, all right.

4. I get to leave Chicago for a little while. I love this city to death, but like any relationship, breaks are good. We'll make out like high school nerds when I get back.

5. Even though I never want to live there again, I get to see Arizona. Revisiting the miles of desert and concrete I grew up in is comforting.

Back in a few. Stay gold, Ponyboy.

BLOQUE PARTY

2006-08-08T14:18:00.000-07:00

This post is a little late, but whatever. Last Friday was the Optimus block party, a yearly event where over 1,000 people from advertising and post-production houses mingle outside of the Optimus building amidst a flood of beer, food, music and glow necklaces.

Most of my night was spent restocking hundreds of cases of beer and ice. I'd never seen this much beer or rapid consumption in my life. By the end of the night I never wanted to open another case of beer in my life. Luckily for the last 3 hours of the night I manned the photo booth, scanning photos into a laptop.

Best story of the night: an intern catches a guy stealing beer

Guy: Oh man, I'm sorry. I just want to get a buzz.

Intern: You know you're stealing Kaliber.

Guy: Yea?

Intern: That's a non-alcoholic beer.

Guy: Ah shit! (removes all beer from backpack)

Nut cheeks

2006-08-04T09:27:00.000-07:00

It was Jill's birthday on Monday so we celebrated at a quasi-biker bar called Twisted Spoke. This is just a preview of the awesomeness that is going to go down on August 19th when we have our joint b-day party, CSI:Miami themed of course.

Coals to the furnace!

2006-07-19T22:31:00.000-07:00

I've been out of school more than a year now, and in a month I will have been in Chicago for a year.

I am obsessed with creation. I feel the need to constantly create, to make music or write or perform or shoot. Even if I am the only one who every hears or reads what I do, creating satisfies me. It makes me feel like I'm working towards some abstruse goal.

Even though I have worked on a lot of projects so far in Chicago, I feel like I haven't done enough. I think a lot of this stems from my participation in projects that aren't my own. I enjoy(ed) working on friends' projects but I need to produce work that is not dictated or restricted by others.

So here are my goals for the next year in Chicago:
1. Write more.
2. Say no more often when asked to participate in other people's projects.
3. Focus my efforts on one or two projects at a time.
4. Quit wasting my time on the internet/procrastinating in general
5. Finish everything.
6. Suckerpunch the world.

Geiser of magic

2006-07-14T19:10:00.000-07:00

Today at Optimus I discovered a new phenomenon that is apparently sweeping the country. If you drop around 13 mentos into a 2 liter bottle of diet coke, the soda erupts like a whale's blowhole. Thank God for science.

Surrogate bitch

2006-07-13T20:50:00.000-07:00

Kat is in France vacationing with her sister so Jill and I are the replacement caretakers of Swiffer the cat. Without Kat, Swiffer seems to have become lonely and more irritable. Case and point: as Swiffer rested on my bed I reached over her to grab my credit card statement. This apparently was not acceptable to her and she mauled my arm in a flash of drunken punk rock rage.

I retaliated the only way I could without resorting to physical violence: I dripped water on her head and she flipped out and ran away.

Some places are like people

2006-07-12T19:15:00.000-07:00

During a typical day at Optimus I have to run tapes to various ad agencies and other post-houses around downtown Chicago. Most of them are in large skyscrapers with extravagent lobbies. I've always thought large office buildings have a bizarre atmosphere to them, but this is the strangest one I've found yet.

It is a gigantic empty marble space with high cielings and no adornments, only a few scattered groups of leather chairs. The detail that makes this lobby especially grotesque is the silence. Outside the cross streets of Grand Avenue and State Street buzz with activity typical to the downtown of a large city. Once you step inside this lobby and the door shuts you are suddenly surrounded by near-complete silence. I would not be surprised if someone who works or worked in this building went crazy one day and screamed just to kill the soundlessness for a moment.

And I applaud them.

The "west" side

2006-07-09T22:01:00.000-07:00

I went out to a party last night on the west side of town where my friend Ted lives. The party got super crowded and at one point my backpack was stolen and then later recovered by Ted. Someone had taken it, realized there was nothing of value in it, and stuffed the bag and contents in the corner of a room behind a couch. Super.

And now a highlight of the night: I call this series of pictures, "The Same Glasses as Worn by Five Different People Who May or May Not Own the Same Pair of Glasses."

American-do

2006-07-04T21:38:00.000-07:00

We made it. Another year free from British bondage. Now here's a bar graph to help you determine which part of your body is most likely to be injured by fireworks. Watch your trunks and others.

Pride and discrimination

2006-06-27T04:06:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was gay pride weekend and since I live in the center of Boystown my neighborhood was crazy, especially for the Gay Pride Parade. I missed the parade because I had class but walked through the aftermath when I got home.

A mess of trash lines the sidewalks after the parade. Come on boys and girls, let's be gay for cleanliness too.

Something bad happened to this tree. It looks like it's trying to discard a comically oversized prophylactic.

I was lucky enough to catch a glimpse of the gay anarchists as they marched down the street.

Of course, the weekend wouldn't be complete without some religious nut proselytizing to "save" homosexuals. I wonder if they teach timing and good taste in Sunday school.

Slinking back into the whole from which it came

2006-06-24T04:13:00.000-07:00

Tonight is the last night of the Our Fallen Spacemen show at the Second City Skybox theater. The house waits in quiet expectation.

After the show there will be a big fun party at Matt's apartment. I'm almost looking forward to the party more than the show. Not saying anything bad about the show. It's a good show, and I had a lot of fun with it last week. I just think being together for a celebration will be a good release for all of us. Putting this show together really seemed to stress us out. Hopefully everyone from the group will show up, because I want to drink with them and look at their pretty faces.

Books

2006-06-21T23:22:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie and now I need to find a new book to read. I hate doing this because it's such a long commitment for me (it usually takes me a month to read a book because I only read on my train rides) and I don't want to choose a shitty book (I also never stop reading a book even if I don't like it because I want to know how things turn out).

So tonight while I was trying to think of what to read next I realized that I made some really poor reading choices to go with my state of being when I first arrived. From September to November, my infant months in Chicago, I felt very awkward and depressed a lot. Correspondingly, I read Lolita and Americana, both very well written novels but not what I'd call uplifting hey there keep yer spirits up let's make it through this media (I also spent some time reading The Artist's Way, a book that is supposed to inspire you creatively). From December to February, I started to gain more confidence, meet more people, and feel like I was fitting in more. Books during that time: Breakfast of Champions, Unbearable Lightness of Being, and Choke. Again, not pure uplifters, but not dark either. March-present, I've been super busy, very happy with the work I'm doing, and have made a lot of very good friends. Reading: Love in the Time of Cholera and Midnight's Children. They speak for themselves.

I also bought an almanac that I take with me to the john to learn facts.

Grass?

2006-06-20T22:02:00.000-07:00

Someone put "Caution Wet Paint" around a section of grass on my block today. I'm not really sure how this works. Maybe they had laid down new grass, but why this wet paint shit? Why not just rope off the grass? Everyone knows you didn't paint the grass, so a warning about wet paint isn't going to deter me from walking on it. Now maybe if the tape said "Caution Earth Goblins Living Under Grass Will Kill" I'd pay attention. Just tell it like it is.

Family appropriate fun

2006-06-19T19:23:00.000-07:00

Saturday

My parents and sister came to the Our Fallen Spacemen show. It went over really well. Lots of good energy. Right after the show my family and I raced over to Navy Pier to see the fireworks. I would have to say that was the highligh of my weekend. It brought me back to my childhood and taking vacations with my family to visit my grandparents in California for the 4th of July. It was a great night.

Sunday

I went to the Field Museum with the family today. We rocked it hard and fast.

The Farmily

2006-06-16T19:15:00.000-07:00

My family is in town for the weekend to see the Our Fallen Spacemen show. We hung out in the hotel for a bit and then went to a really good Italian restaurant for dinner. I love my famiy. We have a very weird dynamic where we are always poking fun at each other. Sometimes we go too far, but for the most part it's kosher.

Until the knives come out. . .

This is how we drink wine in OUR apartment!

2006-06-15T12:15:00.000-07:00

Suck it.

Sloday

2006-06-14T20:37:00.000-07:00

The title explains it all. Now that summer is here, things are pretty slow at Optimus. However we now have 8 interns working per day, so there are a shitload of people and a miniscule amount of work. With so many people I now have time to do cooler stuff than washing the dishes or running tapes around the city. For instance, today I sat down with an assistant editor and learned the basics of an Avid (an editing system that most professional editors use to cut). Yea, suck that Marriott. I'd never learn that from you. Bitches.

Sad, lonely machines

2006-06-13T07:17:00.000-07:00

While I was making some copies at work yesterday I noticed a giant machine with this sign on it. I really pity this sucker. Maybe he's really just a caring machine who's been forced into this role of cold non-emotion and all he wants to do is love. You, sign placers, you don't know if he can't comfort. Maybe you're just projecting your own emotional state by placing this sign on him. All he wants to do is love. And you took that away from him. You bastards. You bastards. . .

LSAT

2006-06-12T11:09:00.000-07:00

Today Kat took the LSAT, so last night Jill and I made some signs of encouragement to inspire her before the test. I tried to inspire her with her power over religious icons. The way I see it Jill and I did everything in our power to help her. If she fails the test, the blame rests solely on her shoulders.

Other than stickin' it to God's coiffure things are much better since my last post. Sleep has increased ten-fold, I have a few promising job opportunities, and I have a lot more free time to work on my own projects. And I got an AC window unit for the summer. Shit yea.

Where I reach, outward, through my mouth

2006-05-17T23:18:00.000-07:00

I'm tired lately. A lot. That's why I haven't posted anything new in the past few weeks. And now I'm attempting a half-ass post at 1 in the morning. Too much stuff going on right now, and not enough hours in the day.

So now I am flanked by the hamsters of time. And I, a black and white swath, am aware of all three tenses and can do nothing to adjust.

That's my short quasi-philosophical late night rant. And now here's a period.

The march of time, not the internet

2006-04-29T11:12:00.001-07:00

So here is another long post for the past three weeks. I've been super busy/tired a lot. I was unable to sleep one Sunday night a few weeks ago and since then I've been overwhelmingly exhausted. But now I return to blogging. Magical.

So at the end of March Our Fallen Spacemen went out to Tucson to perform at the SICK festival at U of A. The show went over really well with the crowd. My partents and a few friends from Tucson and Phoenix came to the show, which made it extra rockin'. After the show there was a big party at a bar. After the party we went to get some Los Betos and some guy tried to pick a fight with me, which is why I chose this picture to represent the trip. John came running in to Los Betos all dressed up and filtered some of the tension. Thank you, sweet knight.

On Easter Sunday we threw a little Easter Sader party at my apartment. People brought a crapload of food and we ate and decorated Easter eggs. Here Sierra leads the group in some kind of prayer about Jesus or some Indian thing. I don't know. I wasn't paying attention.

This is the winner of the Easter egg decorations: A cracked out stripper starved for attention.

Two weeks ago I started an internship at a post-production compny called Optimus. So far it's been really good. Everyone who works there is really nice and it's just satisfying to be kind of working in my field (my duties include stocking fridges and going on lunch runs, which is why I say "kind of").

This is the freight elevator in the Optimus building. It's really cool looking, but whenever I ride it I feel like it's either going to break and send me plummetting to my death, or a giant sewer monster will emerge and rape me with his swampy dong.

HEY LET'S TANGLE

2006-04-07T01:02:00.000-07:00

This is how my brain feels about life right now.

Good things

2006-03-25T03:42:00.000-08:00

So let me tell you about a few things. First, I've been really busy shooting and editing video for the show next week. But it will kick ass.

Second, I got an internship at a post-production company! Hopefully this will lead to a job and/or hot intern orgies.

And third (in reference to the picture), something that reminds me how glad I am I moved to Chicago: walking home from the train at 11:30 PM through a soft snowfall as I listen to Sufjan Stevens' "The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades is Out to Get Us!" I didn't even need the music, but it helped.

My Life is a Tater Tot

2006-03-16T23:58:00.000-08:00

This morning at work I had one of those flashes of realization where you think "This is my life right now?" During the morning shifts my manager lets us go to the employee cafeteria to grab some breakfast. I've fallen into the habit of grabbing a small amount of coffe to help me wake up (before working at the Marriott, I never drank straight up coffee). I usually get a bagel and cream cheese to add a little flavor. However this morning they were out of bagels so I ordered a side of tater tots.

After sprinkling some sugar in the coffee and finding a place to sit I looked down at my breakfast and the realization hit me. I think it happened mostly because my meal looked so sad. It wasn't a bad thing; I just stepped back from my work routine for the first time in a while and noticed what I was doing. If I had told the me at the beginning of college that in four years I would be sitting in the employee cafeteria in the Chicago Downtown Marriott staring at a styrofoam bowl of tater tots and a cup of watery coffee, I think the me in college would have felt a little freaked out and hopeless. But looking at it today, I just kind of passed it off and went "Yea, this is your life right now, motherfucker. So drink your coffee, wake up, and enjoy some tater tots."

Oh, this city.

2006-03-14T03:50:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend I went to a friend's pre-St. Patrick's Day party on the west side of town. I've discovered that I'm exploring a lot of the city by going to parties. A lot of times the parties are in different parts of the city that I would never think to visit, but when I do I find things that I like, such as this little structure. I think it was part of a library. Hopefully when it warms up I'll be more inspired to actually do more exploring on my own and figure out the good places to go. For now I guess I'm just forced to party and sight-see. Ho-hum.

One thing that put a damper on the night: although my apartment was a mere 3 miles away, it took me an hour and a half to get home. I waited at the train station for 45 minutes until one finally showed up. BALL SAC.

Genies

2006-03-07T04:17:00.000-08:00

We (Our Fallen Spacemen) are now in the midst of creating a new show for a performance we have at the end of the month in Arizona. This past weekend was completely consumed by shooting video for the show, including a series of stills featuring two genies who must learn to get along in this big bad world. Of course, once everything was shot and I captured all of the footage, my computer decided to stop recognizing my hard drive. If it didn't cost so much I'd kick the shit out of my computer.

Proof that I live with girls. . .

2006-03-03T00:40:00.000-08:00

. . .and am slowly being turned into one. My roommate Jill bought me this pillow tonight. I plan on proudly displaying it on my bed. Two things that have happened as a result of this gift:

1) I never thought I would, but I own something that is both pink and black.

and

2) I am now high maintenance because the pillows on your bed don't lie.

More proof of my descent into the feminine to come. . .

Haircut

2006-02-16T16:03:00.000-08:00

The other day I got a haircut. When I talked to my mom that day I told her I didn't like it, and she asked me to take a picture of it and send it to her. It was the first time I'd ever gotten a haircut at Greatclips, and I don't think I'll go back. Unless I feel like looking like an asshole.

Sidenote: I'm still surprised by how V shaped my face is (my glasses distort things a bit).

The past month

2006-02-07T11:50:00.000-08:00

Ok. So it's been a long time since I've made a real post (about a month), so I decided to cover the highlights of the month in one giant post. SO. . .

At the beginning of January I was part of a sketch show at an annual sketch festival here in Chicago called Sketchfest. The group is called Our Fallen Spacemen, and is comprimised mostly of Comedy Corner alumni. I did most of the video work for the show. This is backstage before the performance. The show went great, and now we're in the process of writing and putting together material for future shows. Of course, I will shamelessly plug those shows when the time is right.

A few weeks ago at work I discovered that if you hit the function keys on the computers text pops up occasionally. Sometimes it's for auto-completing messages to guests and other times it's for logging off of computers. However, on one computer the F6 key made this message pop up. Mike (whoever he (or she) is)) is apparently held in god-like status by these computers. So great is Mike that one cannot converse with his being. I feel like I found a pirate map, something that was buried long ago for future generations to discover. What if when you talk to Mike he melts your brain and you die? All those poor uninformed souls will banter to their doom, but I, I know the truth, and I shall not perish!

One thing that's been on my mind is the way our cat Swiffer takes a shit. She has this square litter box that is big enough for her to walk around in and shit comfortably, but she chooses to perch on the edge like a bird. It's actually a pretty impressive balancing act. For once I applaud the cat for innovatively making waste expulsion a challenge, worthy of Double Dare. Snap snap, Swiffer.

One nice thing about working at the front desk of the Marriott is that every week they bring in fresh flowers. As forced as it is, having them is a nice reminder of the outside world, especially when the arrangements are as pretty as this one. So I've discovered two things from work: 1) the displacement of nature is not always a bad thing, and 2) Marriott brings out the queer in me.

This past weekend was the Marriott yearly party. It was a grand, weird time. The food was really good (and free) and hanging out with my co-workers was fun. However, I did have my face smashed into a giant girl's boobs for about a minute (trust me, it was awkward) and the music was pretty bad. No, it was horrendous. I never want to hear a song with prearranged dance moves ever again.

The copy machine went crazy today when I tried to make copies. I was minding my own business when it starting flashing this at me. I turned it off and turned it back on again, and instead got a message that there was a paper jam. I don't know what the whole JOO thing was about. Maybe secret Jews broke into the Marriott and are trying to convert people in discreet, menial ways. So you want some of this? In the words of Duke Nukem, come get some.

It's been a while

2006-01-18T07:07:00.000-08:00

So I've been really busy lately and have neglected to update this blog in a while, so I'm doing a half-assed update this morning in hopes that I will remember to do a better one later today or tomorrow. Most of my time had been taken up by preparing for the Our Fallen Spacemen show at the Chicago Sketchfest. I was doing all the video work for the show, which as most of you know chews up time like a dog who thinks his foot is another dog. But the show's over now and I'm back to working and taking classes. Life is good, and I'll share it with everyone soon enough. Hooray!

Oh, and this picture has nothing to do with anything. I took it back in early December when it was freezing cold. It's not that cold now. So eat it.

La Lengua Internacional

2005-12-29T00:54:00.000-08:00

This morning I received a text message at 5am from someone who spoke Spanish. The number is international and I'm pretty sure the message says something along the lines of "Get up already son and Dona Eva. . .let's go to the rubbish!" At least, that's what an internet translator told me. Somehow my phone number has reached the far shores of Spain. Hos in different area codes? Try hos in different country codes.

Back to Chicago

2005-12-27T23:48:00.000-08:00

Hello again, pretty city. I really like you.

Ugly sweaters

2005-12-26T16:30:00.000-08:00

Tonight one of my friends hosted an ugly sweater party/white elephant gift exchange. Did the good tiimes roll? Yes. Yes they did.

This is how cool and on the edge my friends and I are. At one point we had an Operation tournament to see who could remove all of the pieces the fastest. No, no need to say it. We rock balls.

This is a glowing wise man that Lindsay put in the window of her house to direct partygoers. She said she bought it from Goodwill that day and that there was a second wiseman that she decided against purchasing. I have never been more dissapointed in my life.

This is a little figure of Santa praying over the baby Jesus that Lindsay had in her house. I hope Jesus got what he wanted for Christmas that year.

At one point we had a vote on who wore the ugliest sweater. I won with this beauty from the "my mom" collection and received a universal toolbox for my fashion sense. On a sidenote, I was taking a shit when I took this picture.

Hello Jesus

2005-12-25T20:57:00.000-08:00

Christmas day with my family. I think my mom is beating her present in the background. Also notice the fiber optic angel sitting on the piano. My family does Christmas like it's a required gen ed.

Hiking in PHX

2005-12-24T19:22:00.000-08:00

Back in Phoenix. I went on a hike with my dad and my brother-in-law. It was very refreshing to be hiking again. It made me think of all of the night hikes I went on in college with my friends. This is one of the few things I miss about living in Arizona.

Yea, this view is all pretty and shit, but the only thing I could think of is "Phoenix just keeps expanding! Fuck this city!"

Givin' it to the roomies

2005-12-23T00:08:00.000-08:00

Tonight was the apartment gift exchange. We all gathered around the half-assed tree like triplets gathered around a single tit and rejoiced.

Before all the exchangin' went down, my roommate Kat was trying to make cookies for her family for Christmas. The cookies came out a little flat and crumbly, and Kat despaired, waving our spatula at the cookies in shame. They actually tasted pretty good despite appearance. Don't judge book covers and shit.

The spirit runs through her. . .

I got Kat a book called "Are Men Really Necessary?" Two seconds after this picture, she discovered that as well.

Jill shows off her gift from Kat, a "Hugs not Drugs" t-shirt. If only that applied to diabetes patients. I received a lunchbox that says "Whom have you exposed to syphilis" and a calendar of nuns in crazy poses. The exchange was a success.

Christmas card

2005-12-21T12:03:00.000-08:00

Today we got this Christmas card in the mail. No one in the apartment knew these people, and that makes me glad. These people have as much holiday cheer as a snow embankment with the yellow stain of a drunkard who attempted to write his name in urine. If I was contemplating suicide and I received this card I'd have no second thoughts.

Mermaid

2005-12-17T12:58:00.000-08:00

A few days ago there was an articel on the BBC website about a girl whose legs were attached at birth and is having surgery to correct them. The article said the little girl was dubbed "mermaid girl" or "little mermaid" because of her condition. I don't know, that seems kind of messed up. If she survives the surgery her parents will have to tell her that she used to be called a mermaid until her legs were separated. Thanks mom and dad. I'm glad everyone took it so seriously.

Seasons

2005-12-13T21:05:00.000-08:00

Since I am from Arizona I am fascinated by the change of seasons here. It's all new to me, so I'm trying to document it by taking pictures of my street as it changes. I've taken a few pictures a month and hope to continue to do so throughout the winter, but we'll see how enthused I am about documenting in negative temperatures. For now. . .

The sun

2005-12-07T19:09:00.000-08:00

Today was the first day of the week I got to see sunlight. I blame the weather and working from 8-4:30 for missing the sun. It's strangely affecting to go days living in the darkness of morning and night. It's almost like living in a strange vacuum, kind of like that movie Dark City. Only I'm pretty sure I don't have kinetic mind control powers. Or maybe I just haven't tapped the right part of my brain. Hmm. Um, oh, uh, I'll be in my lab. . .

The FACTS

2005-12-06T19:38:00.000-08:00

Fun facts from the front desk:

1) I work with a guy named Igor.

2) Yesterday a co-worker shouted "I'd have sex with Oprah's toes!"

3) Marriott, a big multinational multibillion dollar company, still uses a DOS based program for their reservations system.

4) One of my managers has the roundest, fattest fingertips I've ever seen. His fingerprints must be really scary.

5) The hotel pool is kept at a temperature of 82 degrees, but the party's always set to broil.

(P.S. The picture has nothing to do with this post. I just wanted to be reminded of fall, because it's winter now and it's cold as ice tits)

Sarcasm?

2005-12-04T15:24:00.000-08:00

This banner was in the room that I did my computer training. It is addressing the concierge employees. It seems like a very sweet and inspirational banner, except for the fact that "appreciate" is in quotations. That made me wonder if whoever made the banner was sarcastically acknowledging their work, or if they were making fun of the word appreciate itself (which, if they were, I agree with them wholeheartedly. What a shitty word. "We formally acknowledge your efforts." I'm not an infant that just learned how to use the toilet.)

State of the Shit

2005-11-29T21:48:00.000-08:00

Today I switched to this lovely computer to learn the Marriott guest reservation and check in system. I read green colored font all day and pined for the color and vibrancy of the training CDs of yesterday. But every time I was about to fall asleep or think this sucks, my brain shouted "Hey! At least you're not working at Starbucks, you fuck!" And then suddenly everything came into perspective and I laughed and raised my imaginary cup to an imaginary God.

Job: #2

2005-11-28T19:43:00.000-08:00

Today was the first day of my new job with Marriott International. All day I sat in front of a computer and went through training CD's, which is fine with me because soon I'll be on my feet all day. They entertained me with acronyms/acrostic poetry and customer service videos. I hope one day my smile will be as sincere as the guy in the background of the picture. I also hope I get to wear a kick ass vest like him as well.

Oh, Thanksgiving

2005-11-27T21:12:00.000-08:00

Ok. So I'm going to cover my trip home for Thanksgiving in one fell swoop, because I don't feel like making a post for every day. That's stupid. I have a life. In a sense.

After I vacated my room and moved to Chicago my mom told me she was going to buy new furniture and make it into a guest room. She made me interested to see it because she kept telling me it was "tropically themed" and would remind me of "Hawaii" (where I was born). So when I arrive home and beheld the brown bland town that my room had become it was extremely difficult to feign surprise and joy. There was nothing on the walls, every piece of furniture was a shade of brown, and the room echoed. Oh boy did I feel like I was at the most nihilistic paradise ever.

While I was home I got a haircut. With no instruction the barber decided to comb my hair over like I was hiding baldness. After taking this picture I auditioned for and was accepted as a replacement for Bob Barker, solely based on coiffeur.

And now here's a section of pictures of some of my friends from AZ, because they were a big reason my trip home kicked ass. Shitties!

One of my friends is a rock star, so this is the best picture I could get of him.

And that's Thanksgiving. No turkey pictures. That's too easy. I decorated the house for Christmas with my mom and dad, but that was so painful that I refused to document it. Because Christmas eats my ass.

Last supper

2005-11-18T20:16:00.000-08:00

My last day at Starbucks/Freshens/the Convient Store. F yea.

The last time I have to make the transition to barista, hopefully for forever. I'm smug with satisfaction.

As I left the building for the final time my eyes detected something sublime. A group of about 5 guys were putting up this statue. I know it's hard to see the detail in this picture, but it basically looks like the statue is made out of cow patties heaped on top one another. It was a fecal monument to my return to Starbucks. I hope they enjoy their pile of shit.

Free samples too

2005-11-16T23:02:00.000-08:00

Today Marcus decided to sample a smoothie. This is his idea of sampling. Glob heaps of smoothie flopped into sample cups. In my opinion, if you're going to try to make some effort to do work, at least attempt to half ass it. We're not even required to sample. I sure wouldn't eat those shit smears. Two more days of this. . .

More news

2005-11-15T22:13:00.000-08:00

This article appeared in the Sun Times today. I thought it was pretty self-explanatory, until I came to the last line of the article. . .

I really don't understand how a snake could be worse. I think finding ANY dead animal in your canister of coffee is pretty bad, regardless of the species. Unless it's a full size adult rhino. Then I'd start to freak out, because getting a rhino inside a coffee canister has to take some effort, and then you have to consider the possibility that this might not be an accident and someone is deliberately stuffing your Folger's with a dead rhino for a reason. It could be a practical joke, it could be a mob warning. Next thing you know you find a seagull in your milk jug, a lemur in your candy bar, and you're being chased through the streets of Los Angeles by Mark Wahlberg riding in a Mini Cooper. Now you've got it worse. A snake? Child's play, lady.

Yo soy

2005-11-13T20:00:00.000-08:00

Ok. So I realized that I hadn't revealed what I look like yet(though I'm pretty sure that only friends who know me read this blog), so I decided to get a little self indulgent and take a snapshot of my sunny visage. However, the real reason I wanted to post this picture was because I discovered two things upon reviewing my picture: that trying to look happy while taking a picture for a blog about yourself only makes you look exhaustingly desperate, and that my face is shaped like the letter V. That means I'm engineered for one thing and one thing only: hard core muff diving. Ladies?

Stay positive!

2005-11-12T12:45:00.000-08:00

Last week was my roommate Kat's birthday. In celebration I put up a banner outside of her room that says "Happy Birthday Kat." Since all of us are lazy the banner has remained on the wall for a while. Unfortunately, the "Birthday" part fell off the wall, so now all that's left is "Happy Kat." I hope this serves as a message of joy and inspiration for her every day she wakes up in the morning and steps out of her room. Stay happy, Kat.

Cozy's

2005-11-10T20:24:00.000-08:00

This is the men's bathroom at a noodle shop called Cozy's. It's covered floor to cieling with all of these action figures. I got nothing to say about it. It's just really fucking rad.

Dogs

2005-11-09T19:27:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I was a production assitant for a guy taping a show for the local cable access network. The show was called Pet Trends. It was basically about new pet products with an emphasis on dogs. For the show we went to the Pet Industry Trade Show at the Rosemont Hotel. It was super. $400 pet beds, $700 sweaters for shih-tzus, automatic dog washers. One guy was trying to push artificial turf that could collect urine in an easily disposable tube. When he saw the TV camera he grabbed a tiny dachsund that shivered when standing and tried to force him to urinate by shouting "Come on! You can do it! Just pee a little bit!"

One booth was entirely dedicated to Jewish pet toys. If you gave the company owner a few bucks, he'd take your dog behind the curtain and perform a bris.

Thank god this wasn't a lamb.

I don't. . . what the fuck.

I really don't think Ozzy Osborne would endorse Cat Attract. But notice the animal print pants he's wearing. They seem to be from a member of the cat family.

Gettin' towed

2005-11-07T19:03:00.000-08:00

My car has been towed two times in the past two months. The first time there was no real explanation from the police; the second time my roommate accidentally parked it in a school zone. After the first towing, I neglected to wipe off the ID numbers the towing company wrote on my car. So the second time it was towed, they just scratched out the old numbers and wrote new ones. Now my car is covered with numbers. Maybe people will think I'm just an eccentric mathematician when I drive around now.

Freshens: Conversations with Marcus

Marcus and I stand behind the counter in silence, staring out at the bank.
Marcus- "Man, time and space exists between everything there is."
Me- "Hm?"
Marcus- "Time and space."
Me- "Where did that come from?"
Marcus- "I was just thinking about the awesome powers of creation."
Silence.

Marcus- "You know those band, like Anthrax and Megadeth?"
Rachel- "Yea."
Marcus- "You like them?"
Rachel- "No, I don't like 80's hard rock bands."
Marcus- (in a pseudo hard rock singer's voice) "We won't give up! We won't give up! We won't we won't we won't give up! Rararara, rararara!"
Rachel- "You like those guys?"
Marcus- "No. But I'll tell you one band I do like is Fleetwod Mac."

Math is Hard

2005-11-04T19:39:00.000-08:00

Marcus, my coworker, receives a math lesson from Rachel, the girl who runs the convenient store, on how to figure out a customer's change when it doesn't show up on the register. I'm not kidding. It's hard to believe that I'm on the same employment level with this guy. I'm not trying to sound arrogant, but there are a lot of retarded people who can do simple math.

Marcus contemplates his lesson. Shortly after taking this picture he approached me with his calculator to make sure he was adding and subtracting correctly.

Customer quote of the day (as overheard at Starbucks):
"I can't believe Carol. Last week she was pissing babies, and now all she can do is bullshit."

In the news

2005-11-03T21:04:00.000-08:00

Today's Sun Times featured this fantastic headline. This guy killed a deer that broke into his daughter's house with his bare hands. I'd hate to see how he dealt with his children when they were acting unruly.

The last line of the article: "He's (the deer) in the freezer." Amazing.

The Art of Convenience

2005-11-02T18:57:00.000-08:00

When I started working over at the smoothie place, I was asked to fill in occasionally for the girl who runs the convenient store adjacent to the smoothie bar. It's a very boring task. When I get really desperate I start taking fruity artsty pictures of stuff in the store. Here are the fruit(y)s of my labor.

In between candy and registers, we find Jesus.

An army of Bic lighters awaits the next smoker or crazed pyromaniac.

The back wall of my workspace catches some nice light.

Above a Bears balloon, hope shines in and blinds me at the counter.

Chase is now Bank One!

2005-11-01T22:38:00.000-08:00

Last Monday Bank One became Chase. In celebration of the name change there was a big hoorah in the Bank One/Chase building. The festivities included this grossly out of place Beatles cover band that played in the eating area of the lower plaza. The drummer was especially bad, but it made me wonder if he had no talent or if he was trying to make his Ringo impersonation as true to life as possible. That day was the emptiest I've ever seen the eating area.

A Play

2005-10-29T17:56:00.000-07:00

On Friday night I went to see my roommates' play (they operate a theater company along with two other girls). The play was an adaptation of seven Kurt Vonnegut stories from Welcome to the Monkey House. Seeing that I am a Vonnegut fan, I enjoyed the show. The play was held in a building in the Chinatown district of Chicago in this kind of abandoned warehouse looking building.

After the show I was invited to the cast party. Before heading to the party, we stopped by one of the cast member's house. While everyone kind of did their thing, I hung out in the living room on a reclining couch. For the first time in a while I felt really peaceful and completely content with where I was. I don't know if it was the coffee I'd drank at work or the fact that everyone in the cast was so accepting of me but for that five minutes I felt amazing. I know this picture doesn't really convey the sense of peace I'm talking about but I really didn't feel like taking the time to worry about framing and composition.

X'd

2005-10-27T22:29:00.000-07:00

This week a girl I work with decided to mark my arm for death with a sharpee. You can faintly see the X near my elbow. It's taken a while to scrub it out obviously. Today my manager approached me in Starbucks and discussed various points of business. After she was done, I started to walk away when she snidely remarked "Do you know you have an X on your elbow?" as if I were blatantly marking myself to look less presentable to serve coffee. I said "Yea" and walked away. My first slight f-you to a manager. She said nothing. I felt greased with power.

Customer quotes of the day (as overheard at Starbucks):
"It sure was a good thing I put my hands in my pockets."
". . .and then I started having my period. Hi." (the hi was because she realized she was next in line and I was waiting for her at the register)

Smoothies

2005-10-26T23:06:00.000-07:00

I now split my time at work between a smoothie bar (called Freshens) and Starbucks, both located in the same lobby. They too had the brilliant insight to put hats on their employees. Notice how bloodshot my eyes are. Even they know that I look like a douche wearing a hat.

More on all this later.

Party

2005-10-23T20:19:00.000-07:00

On Saturday night I went to a co-workers birthday party. If nothing else, I learned that no birthday party is complete without Sniper vodka in a gun shaped bottle.

At one point I went to the restroom. On top of the toilet was "The Big Book of Love." Seeing that I was slightly intoxicated at the time and feeling good, I thought I'd take a peek. I opened the book right to this little gem, and promptly decided to never read "The Big Book of Love" again.

Trains

2005-10-20T20:02:00.000-07:00

My main mode of transportation. I enjoy riding them to work more than driving because I don't have to worry about crashing due to drowsiness. And they give me time to read and relax.

Belmont: "my" stop.

The trains also go underground. I swear.

Some stops become pretty barren late at night. If I were skinnier or had bigger breasts, I would have been carrying a knife. Or talked to myself and cursed at the dark.

A train approaches. After I took this picture, the train operator informed me that I could be arrested for taking pictures at Chicago Transit Authority operated sites without permission. Well now my shit's online. Whachoo gon' do, CTA? Yea.

Hats and.

2005-10-14T19:53:00.000-07:00

Starbucks uniform supervisor: "What's the best way to say 'we are the premiere purveyor of upscale coffee and espresso drinks? ' I've got it! Our employees will wear baseball hats! Nothing is better!" Thank you Starbucks for the daily skull raping.

It was a pretty day today. This is my view from behind the counter at the store.

Street Decorations

2005-10-13T21:22:00.000-07:00

These are houses in my neighborhood that are all decked out for Halloween. File them under: things that make me happy when walking to work every morning.

Job

2005-10-11T21:26:00.000-07:00

The Bank One building. I come here every day to frolic in the fields of gainful employment, not as CEO, CFO, or even a worthy file clerk. . .

. . .but as a smiley-times happy days Starbucks employee! I brandish the sword of the Siren's Eye and slay the dragon of mediocre customer service! I build third homes mighty enough to house the tsars of Russia! I. . .AM. . .BARISTA!

Steamed milk. My Sisyphus rock.

Swiffer

2005-10-10T16:19:00.000-07:00

This is Swiffer. She's very frank.

Swiffer is my rommate Kat's cat. Yes, irony.

Swiffer usually vacillates between uncaring bitch and needy psychotic bitch. Here she shows off her uncaring bitch face.

One thing I've learned about Swiffer is that she won't play with her toys with me. Instead she likes to pick on my possessions. For example, this blurred picture is her playing with two magnetic darts stuck together. Her other favorites include a tape measurer and a strip of film.

Da Apt.

2005-10-09T22:44:00.000-07:00

The interior of my apartment. I like it. My room is at the very back in that yellow lit area (the kitchen).

This is my room. It's as tiny as it looks. My bed takes up half the space, but it works.

Where I Live

2005-10-07T20:01:00.000-07:00

This is the street I live on: Aldine Ave. I really like it. There's a mix of families and younger people, which is cool because it gives it a homey feeling that the dilapadated, drunken Casa Espana of Tucson lacked.

This is my building. My landlord told me it was over 100 years old. Translation: a lot of people have made sex in my bedroom. Some of them are dead.

Preamble

2005-10-05T22:45:00.000-07:00

I've never blogged before. There are a couple of blogs that I've watched over the past year, but I never had an interest to start one of my own until now. I didn't really know what I would put on it and was too busy to try. But I'm out of school and have a lot of time on my hands, so I decided to give it a go.

So what I'm going to try to do with this blog is to document my existence in Chicago via pictures and descriptions. I feel like I'm at a very bizarre time in my life where I don't really have clear direction or know exactly what my future will be. As my roommate put it, this is my "quarter-life crisis."

However, I don't want this blog to be a big sappy journal where I cry digital tears of remorse or constantly bitch about how my job sucks and life sucks and everything sucks. Everyone has those problems. If I feel the need to discuss them, then I think I'll talk to an actual person. I just want to record my life. I don't know what purpose it will serve to do this online but maybe I'll find out. I'm hoping my blog will be a way for out-of-state friends to know what's going on in my life. Cause man, calling someone takes a lot of effort.

I guess those are my basic guidelines for this blog. Maybe I'll follow them, maybe not. WE'LL SEE. . .