La Lengua Internacional

This morning I received a text message at 5am from someone who spoke Spanish. The number is international and I'm pretty sure the message says something along the lines of "Get up already son and Dona Eva. . .let's go to the rubbish!" At least, that's what an internet translator told me. Somehow my phone number has reached the far shores of Spain. Hos in different area codes? Try hos in different country codes.

Back to Chicago

Hello again, pretty city. I really like you.

Ugly sweaters

Tonight one of my friends hosted an ugly sweater party/white elephant gift exchange. Did the good tiimes roll? Yes. Yes they did.



This is how cool and on the edge my friends and I are. At one point we had an Operation tournament to see who could remove all of the pieces the fastest. No, no need to say it. We rock balls.



This is a glowing wise man that Lindsay put in the window of her house to direct partygoers. She said she bought it from Goodwill that day and that there was a second wiseman that she decided against purchasing. I have never been more dissapointed in my life.



This is a little figure of Santa praying over the baby Jesus that Lindsay had in her house. I hope Jesus got what he wanted for Christmas that year.



At one point we had a vote on who wore the ugliest sweater. I won with this beauty from the "my mom" collection and received a universal toolbox for my fashion sense. On a sidenote, I was taking a shit when I took this picture.

Hello Jesus

Christmas day with my family. I think my mom is beating her present in the background. Also notice the fiber optic angel sitting on the piano. My family does Christmas like it's a required gen ed.

Hiking in PHX

Back in Phoenix. I went on a hike with my dad and my brother-in-law. It was very refreshing to be hiking again. It made me think of all of the night hikes I went on in college with my friends. This is one of the few things I miss about living in Arizona.



Yea, this view is all pretty and shit, but the only thing I could think of is "Phoenix just keeps expanding! Fuck this city!"

Givin' it to the roomies

Tonight was the apartment gift exchange. We all gathered around the half-assed tree like triplets gathered around a single tit and rejoiced.



Before all the exchangin' went down, my roommate Kat was trying to make cookies for her family for Christmas. The cookies came out a little flat and crumbly, and Kat despaired, waving our spatula at the cookies in shame. They actually tasted pretty good despite appearance. Don't judge book covers and shit.



The spirit runs through her. . .



I got Kat a book called "Are Men Really Necessary?" Two seconds after this picture, she discovered that as well.



Jill shows off her gift from Kat, a "Hugs not Drugs" t-shirt. If only that applied to diabetes patients. I received a lunchbox that says "Whom have you exposed to syphilis" and a calendar of nuns in crazy poses. The exchange was a success.

Christmas card

Today we got this Christmas card in the mail. No one in the apartment knew these people, and that makes me glad. These people have as much holiday cheer as a snow embankment with the yellow stain of a drunkard who attempted to write his name in urine. If I was contemplating suicide and I received this card I'd have no second thoughts.

Mermaid

A few days ago there was an articel on the BBC website about a girl whose legs were attached at birth and is having surgery to correct them. The article said the little girl was dubbed "mermaid girl" or "little mermaid" because of her condition. I don't know, that seems kind of messed up. If she survives the surgery her parents will have to tell her that she used to be called a mermaid until her legs were separated. Thanks mom and dad. I'm glad everyone took it so seriously.

Seasons

Since I am from Arizona I am fascinated by the change of seasons here. It's all new to me, so I'm trying to document it by taking pictures of my street as it changes. I've taken a few pictures a month and hope to continue to do so throughout the winter, but we'll see how enthused I am about documenting in negative temperatures. For now. . .

The sun

Today was the first day of the week I got to see sunlight. I blame the weather and working from 8-4:30 for missing the sun. It's strangely affecting to go days living in the darkness of morning and night. It's almost like living in a strange vacuum, kind of like that movie Dark City. Only I'm pretty sure I don't have kinetic mind control powers. Or maybe I just haven't tapped the right part of my brain. Hmm. Um, oh, uh, I'll be in my lab. . .

The FACTS

Fun facts from the front desk:

1) I work with a guy named Igor.

2) Yesterday a co-worker shouted "I'd have sex with Oprah's toes!"

3) Marriott, a big multinational multibillion dollar company, still uses a DOS based program for their reservations system.

4) One of my managers has the roundest, fattest fingertips I've ever seen. His fingerprints must be really scary.

5) The hotel pool is kept at a temperature of 82 degrees, but the party's always set to broil.

(P.S. The picture has nothing to do with this post. I just wanted to be reminded of fall, because it's winter now and it's cold as ice tits)

Sarcasm?

This banner was in the room that I did my computer training. It is addressing the concierge employees. It seems like a very sweet and inspirational banner, except for the fact that "appreciate" is in quotations. That made me wonder if whoever made the banner was sarcastically acknowledging their work, or if they were making fun of the word appreciate itself (which, if they were, I agree with them wholeheartedly. What a shitty word. "We formally acknowledge your efforts." I'm not an infant that just learned how to use the toilet.)